Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The first reminder has to do with becoming cognizant about our rights toward our spouses as obligated on us by Allah and His prophet (peace be upon him.) Everything is governed by the laws of Islam.

So, the first reminder is nothing more than to become ever conscious that the moment you entered your marriage, you became obligated to respect your spouse’s rights as defined under those divine laws. Claiming ignorance about those rights or your lack of resolve in upholding those rights therefore is not a valid excuse.

The problem in this regard is usually two fold. First, many couples simply aren’t even aware and knowledgeable about the rights that both husbands and wives have over each other. It’s not uncommon for many to rush into marriages with all the fanfare but neglecting to learn Islamic teachings regarding marriage and the rights that husbands and wives have over each other. It’s only when they hit roadblocks in their marriages that they start seeking those answers. Problems surface because each spouse assumes certain rights over the other and each spouse’s personal interpretation of what’s right or wrong complicates relationships even further.

The second problem is that while many of us may take the time to understand how their partner is not meeting their individual rights, they often neglect to learn their obligations toward the other spouse. Driven selfishly, each spouse gets preoccupied with how their partner isn’t contributing to the relationship rather than realizing how one is deficient in fulfilling their own obligations.

In the daily routine of give and take therefore, if your relationship is hitting hurdles, both of you ought to invest the time and effort to learn about those rights and obligations. Use this reminder to make a permanent mental note to help you become conscious of how knowingly or unknowingly you transgress and violate your spouse’s rights. Remember, you will be questioned about them.

Happy marriage is one in which couples find ways to tackle and resolve challenges without being disrespectful to the other. You can have your tough talks as long as you don’t cross the lines in disrespecting each other. Remember that Islam’s teachings never sanctioned to denigrate human dignity even in times of war then how can we in supposed bonds of love step out of that realm?

To conclude, wives can strive to become what the prophet referred to in this hadith:

The Prophet (pbuh) said: “The entire world is full of resources, and among them the best resource is a RIGHTEOUS WIFE.” (Reported by: Abdullah ibn Amr (r) Source: Sahih Muslim, Vol. 2, #3465)

And for men, the prophet had this to say –

“The most complete believer is the best in character, and the best of you is the BEST TO HIS WOMENFOLK.” (Tirmidhi #1162 and verified)

Let’s learn our rights toward each other and let’s not be disrespectful to the other even when we are dealing with tough situations.



JafarR said...

Great tips. definetley will help

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